When I was little, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I just figured it would happen and didn't think too much of it. I played with my brothers, and so I didn't really play with many dolls or any girly stuff. I did love the stuffed animals, but I didn't really do anything with them. . . . ok, now that I think about it, I gave my stuffed animals "hair cuts" and those didn't turn out so well (like the hair cut I decided my big bear needed before I brought him to the Kindergarten Teddy Bear Picnic. . . he had to stay home and the Hard Rock Cafe bear came instead. Sorry Big Guy :) But I don't remember playing make believe with them or doing much else with them. I just thought it was fun to have a lot of them.
So I played with my brothers which meant we would :
- ride our bikes and roller blades around our track or in the street
- play capture the flag/gold rush
- run through the sprinklers/have sprinkler wars/jump on the tramp in the sprinklers
- "secretly" pull out the thin tarps and make a slip 'n slide and try and move it often so the grass wouldn't be soggy when dad got home. . . never worked, he always knew
- play with legos. . . made houses mostly and there never was enough roof or windows or doors for all of our houses
- make sling shots out of our shirt tags, rubber bands, and branches
- play dodge ball or British bulldog on the tramp
- swim all summer
- play hide and go seek or sardines
- make up games
- play soccer
- do Kool-Aid stands, cherry stands, and I even attempted a rock stand from "special rocks" found in our driveway and our neighbor's driveway. . . . not a single rock sold
- team tag wrestling
- play baseball. . . which I can never remember a time when this ever turned out well. . . someone always got hit in the head with the ball, or the bat (sorry Matt!), or the ball ended up crashing into the van window (nice throw Luke)
- throw the hamster under the pile of clothes and guess where he'd find his way out. . . like plinko. . . I know we were mean to the little hamster, we were young, and no, our parents didn't know we did this so don't judge them
So I wasn't anywhere near a girly girl. Occasionally I would try to "curl" my hair with a round brush which always got stuck in my hair and I either cut it out, tried to use peanut butter to get it out, or mayo. I'm guessing all of those options were bad ones as my hair was often in a pony-tail and my bangs progressively made their start further and further up my head.
I didn't mind the dirt and grime. I just went along with it, and actually enjoyed it. Fishing and camping trips with Dad and Papa were eagerly looked forward to.
I became more and more of a tom-boy and loved playing soccer and basketball. I would play all school year, and do camps all summer. Having my hair slicked back in a pony-tail was my specialty!
I was rough and tough. I'd play the slug bug game with my brothers and I'd slug them just as hard as they'd slug me. In middle school, I realized that I wasn't nearly as girly as most. My buddy, Brooke, and I thought "the baggier the comfier" by means of clothes. Make up? No way. We thought some glitter around our eyes was close enough and called it good. She wore red glitter, I wore green glitter.
I got a couple of babysitting jobs and I realized how much I loved playing with kids. This is where I realized there was a softer side to me. I enjoyed being silly with them and helping them learn and do new things. It was fun to laugh and pretend to be goofy things. It was a good feeling to wipe the tears away and give them a big hug and kiss the boo boo. I felt comfortable around kids. I had fun around kids.
I started teaching swimming lessons and loved it. Kids were too fun! Belly flops were fun. They would turn into dives which meant they were getting two thumbs up from mom who was cheering them on outside the fence. Kids tried to be so brave and go off the diving board. Mom took pictures of that great event, and then gave the thumbs up for the job well done. Thinking up games like the treasure hunt was a lot of fun too.
I went off to school to get my degree. I thought that teaching was the only thing that really fit me. I tried to fly through the general classes and get to the teaching ones. I met this cute boy along the way.
We got married and knew that it was important for me to finish my degree. Having kids was on our minds, but teaching was on my mind as well. All my classes prepared me to be the greatest teacher, but in the back of my mind, I knew that I wasn't going to be teaching in the class too much.
Graduation was coming quick for both of us. David searched high and low for a job and had a rough time with it. We were moving out for my student teaching, and then what? Did I need to be preparing to teach full time? What if David didn't find a job? This is the reason I wanted to finish school, but I wasn't expecting to actually have to work.
Christmas came and we were out of the college town. We wondered what this new place would bring. Christmas morning we found out. We were going to have a baby. I knew what the plan was from there. I knew I was going to stay home with the baby when she came, but felt the need for a back up plan to teach just in case. What if I was being too optimistic?
David found a temporary job, but was still in search for a long term job. We both worked at it and I think I may have sent out more resumes and filled out more online job profiles than he did, and we got through. He got a real job. A real accounting job. A job that would actually use some knowledge that he has because of going to college. We were both so relieved and so happy. It was hard to believe the search was done.
David was so happy. It was comforting for him to know that he really was going to provide for his family, new baby and all. Having a job that was the start of his career. We felt like we had control now. We felt like we could make plans for further in the future than 3 or 6 months away. We felt secure in the sense that this job would be long term. We still save, but we no longer have to assume the worst and save up for it. It was a great burden lifted off his shoulders. It isn't his dream job, but it provides. It is a start and we have been so grateful for it.
With that job, we were both overwhelmed with peace. Peace that we really were being watched over and being blessed for doing something right. Peace to know that I really could stay at home with the new baby.
I wanted to handle her all on my own. That was my full time job, right? David went to his office and took care of his responsibility. I felt that I could manage. It wasn't like I had any other kids. Just the little one.
I wanted to be the mom that could handle this. The mom that would enjoy every snuggling opportunity no matter what time it was. I was tough enough to handle this, right? I really wanted to be, and expected myself to be. David said it was okay for him to help. But then was I failing? I wasn't helping with his work. He really wanted to help though. It showed me how great of a husband and new father he really was. This was his little girl too.
She would keep us up at night. She would have massive blowouts that would make a mess of some of her cutest outfits. She would spit up on her back up set of clothes and just have to smell like sour milk until we got home. She would yank on my hair just a few hairs at a time. . . ouch! She would spit up on my clothes. We are both lucky to make it through the day without needing to change. She would scream in the car when we would go anywhere. She would knock anything in reach over. She would cry if we walked out of sight. She cries if we take something unsafe away that she was having fun playing with. Trying to figure out what she needs. She tries our patience.
She does all of these things often. People ask how it's going having a baby around. We always say it is good. No it isn't always good all of the time.
But. . . her smile, her cozy little body, hearing her giggle with pure delight, having her hold on tight as long as she wants, or the joy in her face just to see you is like no other. It makes you forget about all the rotten things she does or makes them seem like they aren't so bad. Holding our sweet little girl as she falls asleep is simply peaceful. So innocent. It is so rewarding to calm her down and be the one she needs. The someone that holds her just because as the tears dry up.
Though I haven't always dreamed of being a mom, I feel honored to have the title. I know how important the home is and I know I have a huge task in front of me to create a consistent feeling of love and happiness in our home. I may not be in the classroom each day, but I have plenty to do in our home and I feel so lucky to be able to be here.
David found a temporary job, but was still in search for a long term job. We both worked at it and I think I may have sent out more resumes and filled out more online job profiles than he did, and we got through. He got a real job. A real accounting job. A job that would actually use some knowledge that he has because of going to college. We were both so relieved and so happy. It was hard to believe the search was done.
David was so happy. It was comforting for him to know that he really was going to provide for his family, new baby and all. Having a job that was the start of his career. We felt like we had control now. We felt like we could make plans for further in the future than 3 or 6 months away. We felt secure in the sense that this job would be long term. We still save, but we no longer have to assume the worst and save up for it. It was a great burden lifted off his shoulders. It isn't his dream job, but it provides. It is a start and we have been so grateful for it.
With that job, we were both overwhelmed with peace. Peace that we really were being watched over and being blessed for doing something right. Peace to know that I really could stay at home with the new baby.
I wanted to handle her all on my own. That was my full time job, right? David went to his office and took care of his responsibility. I felt that I could manage. It wasn't like I had any other kids. Just the little one.
I wanted to be the mom that could handle this. The mom that would enjoy every snuggling opportunity no matter what time it was. I was tough enough to handle this, right? I really wanted to be, and expected myself to be. David said it was okay for him to help. But then was I failing? I wasn't helping with his work. He really wanted to help though. It showed me how great of a husband and new father he really was. This was his little girl too.
She would keep us up at night. She would have massive blowouts that would make a mess of some of her cutest outfits. She would spit up on her back up set of clothes and just have to smell like sour milk until we got home. She would yank on my hair just a few hairs at a time. . . ouch! She would spit up on my clothes. We are both lucky to make it through the day without needing to change. She would scream in the car when we would go anywhere. She would knock anything in reach over. She would cry if we walked out of sight. She cries if we take something unsafe away that she was having fun playing with. Trying to figure out what she needs. She tries our patience.
She does all of these things often. People ask how it's going having a baby around. We always say it is good. No it isn't always good all of the time.
But. . . her smile, her cozy little body, hearing her giggle with pure delight, having her hold on tight as long as she wants, or the joy in her face just to see you is like no other. It makes you forget about all the rotten things she does or makes them seem like they aren't so bad. Holding our sweet little girl as she falls asleep is simply peaceful. So innocent. It is so rewarding to calm her down and be the one she needs. The someone that holds her just because as the tears dry up.
Though I haven't always dreamed of being a mom, I feel honored to have the title. I know how important the home is and I know I have a huge task in front of me to create a consistent feeling of love and happiness in our home. I may not be in the classroom each day, but I have plenty to do in our home and I feel so lucky to be able to be here.
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